Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
