omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
