best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
