You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
