If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
