I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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