i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
