and i looked up. we had an audience...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
