Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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