I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
false alarm. still invincible.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
