i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
