i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
