So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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