Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize