I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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