My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
