According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
