hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
