Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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