her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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