Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
