facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
