friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
