My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
