When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
