She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
