i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
