I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
