Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
