Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
