Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
