we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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