Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
