Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
nutella sex= disaster
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
