Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
