Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize