Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
