I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize