it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
