You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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