Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
