i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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