Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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