i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
