i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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