If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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