these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
