Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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