i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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