there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
