Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
