i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
