So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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