I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
