honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
