It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
