I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize