and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
