Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
