Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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