I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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