Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she looked like the before picture.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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