found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize