oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
