I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
