i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
