Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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