the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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