So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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