I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize