I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
