Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize