I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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