I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
