Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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