my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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