He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
