Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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