Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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