every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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