Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
